Guidelines for Conversations that Matter

by | Jan 15, 2020 | Community, Online

Tom Swigart, who has been a volunteer member of the Community Cafe hosting team for a year now, wrote this prompt for himself when introducing the World Cafe Etiquette and Netiquette. We thought we’d share it here – as an inspiration for your own hosting practice. And: come and join us for one of our monthly Community Cafes and/or for one of the other online learning opportunities! Check the World Cafe Calendar for dates! Upcoming: “Learning Together” on Jan 21 and Community Cafe on Feb 10!

Have you heard the comment that two of the most common activities at meetings are speaking and waiting to speak? You may smile but is it so far off?

World Café is much more. As you enter into a conversation through World Café or other participatory practices, you become an active participant in shaping the context and, in turn, the richness of that conversation.

Through years of experience by practitioners of dialogue, elements have surfaced which support effective conversation. Several of these are shown in the Guidelines visual, created by the fabulous Avril Orloff who has been part of the World Cafe Community as a graphic recorder for many years.

In the “World Café world,” these are known as World Café Etiquette.
When I hear the word etiquette, I think of polite social behavior. These guidelines are much more. Look at the graphic and think of the power of each guideline to impact the conversation and its outcome. When you “Focus on what matters”, “Speak with your mind and heart.”, “Listen with your mind and heart”, “Facilitate (Host) yourself and others.”, it creates a powerful context. In such a context people are heard, respected and valued. This way of being in conversation may be different from your experience so you may choose to begin with setting the intention “I will listen to understand”, “I will contribute my thinking”. With practice, this intention will become your nature and the magic will follow.

These guidelines have surfaced through years of experience within many World Café conversations. The metaphor of these World Café guidelines in the swirling vapors over a hot, soothing beverage is a powerful depiction of how they combine, interact and connect.
So, relax with these guidelines and the wisdom will find you.

Netiquette: Etiquette in the Virtual World

Many of our conversations take place in the virtual world without physical contact. The objectives remain the same, to have meaningful conversations around questions that matter. The guidelines also remain very much the same as in an onsite meeting.

While dialogue in the virtual world may have challenges, it offers unique gifts. Conversations are possible that could not have otherwise taken place due to time, distance and cost. Online events also offer opportunities for enrichment based on the cultural diversity they enable.

We invite you to use your imagination. Remember that we are all “real”. Can we see beyond the “headshots” of our camera images and see each other as whole people? Can we bring our own whole selves forward in our sharing?

Be mindful of how your personal assumptions or culture might impact your conversation. “Lean In” and really listen to what is being said. Imagine yourself in the shoes of each speaker. Be grateful for this opportunity to experience from the other’s perspective. If bias or a differing perspective should occasionally interfere, think of this as a learning opportunity, and practice forgiveness for yourself and each other.

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