Lina Cramer, one of our Stewardship Council Members, shares her experience with World Cafe in her work with parents and families:

I was introduced to the World Cafe a little over 10 years ago. I was searching for a way to impart information to parents that honored their commitment, respected their knowledge and encouraged them to keep loving and learning. I knew a lot about child development, had studied various parenting curricula – even written a couple, yet I was never truly satisfied with the many approaches that assumed that parents need to be ‘trained’ or ‘taught’. And, as a parent myself, I was well aware that parenting is a continual on the job training opportunity. Kids are different, times are different, family life is often a ‘juggling act’.

Parents know a lot, do a lot and care a lot. Yet, no parent has it all figured out all of the time.  Most parents always carry a long ‘to do’ list in their heads – only to be matched by a ‘worry list’ about all the things that aren’t working or what they should have done. In truth, we parents are our own worst critics.

I wanted something different. Something that would engage parents in ways that foster learning and sharing. In Summer 2006, I invited a colleague and friend Lisa to work with our Design Team of Parent Leaders who had accepted the challenge of creating an innovative way to share information about protective factors with parents. Protective Factors are qualities in families that contribute to keeping children safe and families strong. Early in our work together, Lisa suggested we create Parent Cafes to share our information. She held up her book: The World Cafe: Shaping Our Future Through Conversations That Matter and said we could adapt the World Cafe to work with parents, i.e. Parent Cafes. We were intrigued; none of us were familiar with World Cafe. That same day, Lisa hosted a Cafe with our team to explore the protective factors. We were amazed – we laughed, we cried, we shared stories, worries and hopes for our families. We had never had such a deep conversation together! Inspired, we set about designing conversations that would elicit the wisdom and desires of parents about keeping their children safe and their families strong.

We introduced Parent Cafes in February 2007. Even as we were still refining our questions and process, we knew we were on to something powerful! Parents wanted more Cafes. Parents felt listened to, they made new friends, they realized they were not alone, that other parents cared and that other parents struggled too. “These conversations are overdue!” (single father at a Parent Cafe with 100+ parents). “I came here to find out how to get my child to do his homework; I’m leaving here, knowing I have to build a relationship with my child.” (young Step-Dad) “I found my voice here at the Cafes, I am ready to speak for myself now.”  (Latina Mother after participating in 3 Cafes.)

Word traveled fast and interest in Parent Cafes exploded! We hosted dozens of Cafes across the state, we trained and coached parents to host Cafes, developed Cafe Talk – a box of questions to explore protective factors. The Love is Not Enough Parent Cafes are designed for parents to share their own experiences and knowledge about 1) Taking Care of Yourself; 2) Being a Strong Parent and 3) Building Relationships with Our Children.  We adapted conversations for Teen Parents, Foster Parents, Grand Parents Raising Grand Children and specifically for Dads. We developed questions and trainings in Spanish and Chinese.  Parent Cafes were valued by parents as well as the groups and communities who helped sponsor them. They continue to be offered today in communities across the country.

Parent Cafes focus on a small system – the family – and specifically parents’ relationship with their children. We know from capturing the voices and hopes of parents as well as through rigorous evaluations that Parent Cafes indeed ‘build protective factors’. They offer parents a time to reflect, listen to themselves and each other, get new ideas and learn different approaches, recognize their own strengths and resilience, realize they are not alone and that everyone ‘needs help’ sometimes, restore hope in their own ability as a parent – even in trying times. The Cafe processes of creating a safe and welcoming space, allowing time to share and listen, exploring questions near to the heart, meeting other parents who care, ‘keeping it real’ without feeling judged or ashamed is so welcome and needed by parents who are stressed, over-committed and often feel alone. The practice of truly listening and being listened to, resonates strongly with parents and reminds them to take time to really listen to each of their children and to honor their feelings. Parent Cafes generate hope and commitment to be the best for their children and family. Parent Cafes help build a community of belonging and support for and among parents and children. And, as Juanita Brown understood early on  “Parent Cafes provide a way for the community to heal itself”. Truly a gift that keeps on giving.